It’s probably best if I don’t write right now. I am way past frustrated. This blog is intended to be a source of inspiration and encouragement for others walking a similar path. I’m not sure I am up to inspiring  or encouraging anyone right now which brings me to the point of today’s message.

What do you do when you are frustrated beyond belief?

Remember those posters from years ago with a cat hanging from a rope? The rope had a knot in it and the cat was barely hanging on. The caption said something like, ‘When you get to the end of your rope, hang on.’ I don’t like that poster. What’s the point? Hang on for what?

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I know God does not give us more than we can handle. Sometimes I think He definitely overestimates me. Recently Josiah’s behavior has become very challenging. Since Friday he has decided to scream more often than not. He got off the bus that day and refused to walk. He screamed from the time the bus pulled away until much later in the day. Friday was a half day of school. I listened to Josiah scream for hours.

I can only compare this new behavior to that of a colicky baby. I’m really not sure what is causing Josiah to scream. I’ve tried just about everything to help him. Nothing seems to work. He screamed most of the morning and early afternoon on Saturday. He screamed Monday when he got off the bus and for a couple of hours after that.

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I’m just curious. What do you do when you are out in public and witness a child with a disability having a difficult time? Do you turn away? Do you stop and stare? Do you offer to help? Do you criticize? Do you complain? Do you pass judgment?

Before I had children, I knew all about how to be the perfect parent. I had a double major in Early Childhood and Elementary Education. I even had some classes in Special Education. I was an expert. I used to call my older sister on the phone and give her advice on how to parent her children. I’m sure she loved that. There’s nothing like taking advice from someone who has never walked in your shoes and doesn’t have a clue about what they are talking about.

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Our family gets sick a lot. When one of us goes down, the rest usually follow. Josiah typically starts it, but not always. When we lived in Ohio, we were sick often.

I thought it had to do with being a large family, cooped up indoors most of the year, sharing germs. I used to joke with the pediatrician that he should add a wing at the end of the hall for our family to live in. We visited him often. He thought it was a great idea. It would have saved us lots of time.

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Josiah was up very early this morning. Much earlier than usual. Much earlier than necessary. I tried to ignore him. I hoped he was just out in the hallway near his bedroom door, half awake. I prayed he would fall back to sleep for a few more hours. Sometimes he does.

Not today. This morning he was wide awake and ready to start his happy day, well before anyone else was. I quickly scooped him up and plopped down next to him on the recliner. I wrapped a fleece blanket around the two of us and imagined we’d drift off, cuddling together for at least another hour. Josiah had his own plan.

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