We are nearing that time of year I love and dread. School will be out in just a few short days. It’s awesome to know my children will all be home. We can sleep in. We can stay up late. We can enjoy some quality family time. Those are all the parts I love.

The not so fun part is keeping Josiah engaged in appropriate activities every day. His routine changes drastically over the summer. With no school, there is alot more unstructured time. Time I need to fill. Time I need to structure. Time I need to be with him one on one, constantly. Not an easy task.

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Yesterday was rough for Josiah. He screamed off and on for almost 2 hours. This time it had nothing to do with the bus. Yesterday was Sunday. He was home with us, just hanging out. For most of the day he was perfectly fine. He was smiling. He was content. He was well behaved. Then, out of no where, he started to scream. Each time he screamed, he reached up with both of his hands, grabbed fist fulls of his own hair and pulled. He yanked hard.

He did this repeatedly. Sometimes, after he was finished screaming and pulling, he’d smile or even giggle and go back to just relaxing. During these screaming episodes, he climbed up on my lap. I held him close. I know he needed me to comfort him. I had no idea what was bothering him.

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I am still no closer to discovering what it is that’s distressing my son. I’m not sure why he screams everyday after school. I called for some back up. Thursday afternoon, the Autistic Support Team Specialist arrived shortly before Josiah’s bus pulled up. She is well aware Josiah has been having great difficulty getting off the bus and into the house. He melts down right on the side walk. I’ve tried everything I can think of to help him. She has given me some great suggestions to try as well. However, nothing has helped.

So on Thursday, she hid in the front room and peeked out the mini blinds to watch. Maybe together, she and I would pick up on what is triggering Josiah’s behavior. It was a huge relief to me that she was here. I was excited to know her expert eyes and ears would pick up on whatever it was I was missing. She would put the missing piece of the puzzle together for me and we would get past this hiccup.

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It’s probably best if I don’t write right now. I am way past frustrated. This blog is intended to be a source of inspiration and encouragement for others walking a similar path. I’m not sure I am up to inspiring  or encouraging anyone right now which brings me to the point of today’s message.

What do you do when you are frustrated beyond belief?

Remember those posters from years ago with a cat hanging from a rope? The rope had a knot in it and the cat was barely hanging on. The caption said something like, ‘When you get to the end of your rope, hang on.’ I don’t like that poster. What’s the point? Hang on for what?

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I know God does not give us more than we can handle. Sometimes I think He definitely overestimates me. Recently Josiah’s behavior has become very challenging. Since Friday he has decided to scream more often than not. He got off the bus that day and refused to walk. He screamed from the time the bus pulled away until much later in the day. Friday was a half day of school. I listened to Josiah scream for hours.

I can only compare this new behavior to that of a colicky baby. I’m really not sure what is causing Josiah to scream. I’ve tried just about everything to help him. Nothing seems to work. He screamed most of the morning and early afternoon on Saturday. He screamed Monday when he got off the bus and for a couple of hours after that.

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