One Year Later

By Sandy on October 10, 2018

September 2017 our nightmare began.

Without warning, Josiah violently pummeled his head frequently and screamed loudly, suffering in some sort of horrendous pain.

We had no idea what was wrong. We had no way to fix it. We could only suffer alongside our son as he tortured himself, praying desperately for answers, doing our best to block the blows.

Josiah was in the hospital 3 times in 4 weeks.

He is a teenage boy with Autism we were told. There is not much anyone can do.

The specialists suggested he wear a helmet.

Does Anybody Have a Map?

By Sandy on February 25, 2018

Does anybody have a map?
Anybody maybe happen to know how the hell to do this?
I don’t know if you can tell
But this is me just pretending to know

So where’s the map?
I need a clue
‘Cause the scary truth is
I’m flying blind
And I’m making this up as I go

Those words are taken directly from the song Anybody Have A Map? – Lyrics | Dear Evan Hansen I heard them for the first time a couple of weeks ago and felt as if they had been written just for me.

I would give 10 years of my life for a map.

Just someone, somewhere a little further up the road who has been where we are right now waving enthusiastically, assuring me we are on the right path.

One Thing I Know

By Sandy on November 20, 2017

It’s been rough lately with lots of screaming and too many punches to the head to count. We try to keep a daily tally but some days (most days honestly) it’s impossible to keep track.

Last week I ordered a ‘Cozy Caterpillar’ for Josiah. According to the website, it provides a proprioceptive and deep pressure touch experience like no other and is very effective for improved focus and calming for adults and children with: • Stress • Anxiety • Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder • Autistic Spectrum Disorders • Sensory Processing Dysfunction.

One of Josiah’s amazing caregivers took the cozy caterpillar to ABA so Josiah’s therapist could advise on the best way to use it. She suggested he wear it 10 minutes every hour.

When I first put it on him he loved it and did not want to take it off. He sat at the kitchen table enclosed in the compression tube, quite happy. And here’s the best part. He wasn’t punching himself.

HUGE Decision

By Sandy on October 25, 2015

Exactly one day after Josiah turned 13, I began praying some very specific prayer requests for him. I’ve been asking God to keep him free from aggression and self injurious behaviors; for protection from germs so he can stay healthy; for a functional form of communication in all of his environments and for wisdom about his medications.

Given all Josiah has been through since then, one might think God hasn’t been paying attention, but I know He is at work. Josiah’s medications have been tweaked and he’s doing really well right now. His mood is stabilized. He’s sleeping great. He’s even beginning to have success using his Ipad for some basic communication.

In addition to these prayers, I’ve also been praying for something else. Something huge. It has been on my heart for a while. A small part of me has always felt it’s what’s best for Josiah. However, I wanted to be absolutely, positively, without a doubt, SURE before moving forward. I need to know it’s the right thing to do since it so greatly impacts many other things. For the past 9 months I’ve been praying for wisdom about whether or not to home school Josiah.

Prayer Works

By Sandy on September 26, 2015

Without a shadow of a doubt I am convinced prayer works. I’ve known it for a long time. I’ve heard and read many times about people who have prayed very specifically for something they needed, then watched as God answered that prayer. Sometimes it seems prayers go unanswered. Other times an answer comes but in a completely different way than expected.

I don’t pretend to have great wisdom about prayer. In my head I’m a prayer warrior. I lift everything up to God, never worrying, always trusting. He is sovereign and will guide with infinite wisdom according to His plan and purpose. But in my head I also live in Bora Bora so what does that tell you? The world in my head and my reality are two completely different places.