I’m just curious. What do you do when you are out in public and witness a child with a disability having a difficult time? Do you turn away? Do you stop and stare? Do you offer to help? Do you criticize? Do you complain? Do you pass judgment?

Before I had children, I knew all about how to be the perfect parent. I had a double major in Early Childhood and Elementary Education. I even had some classes in Special Education. I was an expert. I used to call my older sister on the phone and give her advice on how to parent her children. I’m sure she loved that. There’s nothing like taking advice from someone who has never walked in your shoes and doesn’t have a clue about what they are talking about.

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Our family gets sick a lot. When one of us goes down, the rest usually follow. Josiah typically starts it, but not always. When we lived in Ohio, we were sick often.

I thought it had to do with being a large family, cooped up indoors most of the year, sharing germs. I used to joke with the pediatrician that he should add a wing at the end of the hall for our family to live in. We visited him often. He thought it was a great idea. It would have saved us lots of time.

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Josiah was up very early this morning. Much earlier than usual. Much earlier than necessary. I tried to ignore him. I hoped he was just out in the hallway near his bedroom door, half awake. I prayed he would fall back to sleep for a few more hours. Sometimes he does.

Not today. This morning he was wide awake and ready to start his happy day, well before anyone else was. I quickly scooped him up and plopped down next to him on the recliner. I wrapped a fleece blanket around the two of us and imagined we’d drift off, cuddling together for at least another hour. Josiah had his own plan.

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We may just end up as hermits, Rick, Josiah and I. The other kids will eventually all grow up, move out and move on. Josiah however will be with us as long as we can take care of him. I imagine we will become more and more secluded as he gets older. As we get older. Here’s why. Josiah is loud. Josiah likes to scream. I don’t like loud, especially in public. It’s embarrassing. It’s frustrating. I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to make him stop. It’s easier to stay home.

We are already doing the tag team parenting with Josiah. One of us usually always stays home with him while the other one ventures out. I imagine it will eventually turn into both of us just staying home with Josiah.

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Josiah cried quite a bit yesterday. I’m not really sure why. His teacher texted me after school to tell me he cried hard for about 30 minutes in class. He walked off the bus at the end of the day alright. He was very happy to see me. But, he did NOT want to walk up the sidewalk to come into the house. He plopped down on the ground right out on the side walk and cried. He cried for a while in the house as well.

His cry was a hurt cry. I knew something was making him uncomforable. I just didn’t know what. And since he doesn’t talk, he wasn’t telling me. So, I had to guess. I took off his shoes. I took off his orthotics. I took off his socks. I rubbed his feet. He still cried.

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