Some days are character building days.
We seem to have quite a few of them around here. I’m not my best on days like these. Maybe that’s why they happen so frequently. Maybe I just need more opportunities to do better, to let it all go.
I think if you were here, watching, you might assume it’s going rather well. From the outside, (at least I hope), it appears I have it all pulled together. In the moments when things aren’t going well I jump into action with a quiet resolve to do whatever is required. I’m determined and focused and self assured..
I try to take my eyes off the situation to look for the blessing. After all, it’s not about me. It’s about serving and loving and making a difference for others. It’s about compassion and kindness. I tell myself this, many times over, even singing through some of it because singing makes everything better.
And then when the moments are over, I implode.
Most of the time, I don’t even see it coming. I feel strong and courageous and determined one second; the mama bear racing to rescue her cub, and the next I dissolve into tears.
What’s that all about?
I read recently that crying is the transformation of distress into something tangible, and that the process itself helps to reduce the feeling of trauma. Crying regulates us.
Maybe that’s why it happens when I least expect it.
Perhaps I need more regulating than I realize. And maybe putting on a happy face when there’s not much joy inside isn’t fooling anyone but me.
I’ve heard when your life is full of challenges, God is using the opportunities to transform your character for future service.
Let’s just hope God needs my help in Bora Bora. I’d be great at testing hammocks!
I can relate more than you know. I often remember a Twila Paris song that has special meaning to me…The Warrior is a Child. I think you might like it too.
Love, Kim
WOW! Just reading the lyrics to that song brings tears! Thank you for sharing Kim! Love it! Love you!!
I think it is a blessing to be able to cry. Not minimizing the circumstances that bring the tears, just relating that crying as a release is cleansing. Thanks for being so honest. I sometimes look at you and do think you have it all together and then mentally kick myself, knowing your struggles. Sorry if this is rambling but I am glad we are reconnected and encourage you to keep on keeping on.
Thanks Laurel!It’s just surprising to feel so calm and in control one moment and start crying the next. But I definitely agree, it is cleansing. Thank you for your encouragement. I greatly appreciate that!! I’m glad we reconnected as well! : o )
Sandy,
You are one special lady and friend. Even though we might go a while in between chats I think and pray for you often! When I see you, I see a wonderful mom and wife of faith. You have tuaght me so many things without even knowing it. To be honest with yourself, to find joy in small moments, to be fully present in eveyday life and not take anything or one for granted.
Thank you for always being so honest. As a mom and wife I always want it to look like I have it all together and the truth is I don’t. I like to think I do more than not but definitely not all the time.
I’m always here to lend an ear if you ever need anything. Sending you hugs and continued prayers my friend. Love ya, Dee
Dee, you are so sweet and thoughtful! Thank you for your prayers and kind words. It means so much. You have such a loving, compassionate heart. So blessed to know you! Love you my friend!