Living in Holland

By Sandy on September 29, 2015

In 1987, the year Rick and I got married, well before we had any children, Emily Perl Kingsley wrote ‘Welcome to Holland’. It’s a sweet essay from a parent’s perspective of what it’s like to discover you will be parenting a special needs child, when all along you had been anticipating a ‘normal’ child.

I read it 15 years later, when Josiah was first born. Having a child with a disability she says, is like going on a greatly anticipated vacation, but ending up in a different country than you had expected. You planned for Italy and could hardly wait for the splendor and wonder of Italy. You boarded the plane with great expectations and enthusiasm, only to find the pilot screwed up somehow (my words, not hers) and you ended up in Holland. Rather than mourn the loss of Italy, Emily suggests you embrace Holland for Holland has much to offer you hadn’t ever considered.

Hugs

By Sandy on September 28, 2015

This alone is worth the 2 hour round trip drive to see Josiah every day. This fills my heart with so much joy. This gives me hope our boy will be back home someday soon.

However, this is Josiah, thinking if he allows a quick embrace, I will leave. Immediately afterwards, he always pushes me away, as if to say, ‘There, I am done with you, now go.” Baby steps! This is a work in progress. I’ll be patient.

Today, I’m just going to leave many, many times.

Who Needs Words?

By Sandy on September 27, 2015

If this isn’t communication, I don’t know what is:

I know EXACTLY how that table feels.

Prayer Works

By Sandy on September 26, 2015

Without a shadow of a doubt I am convinced prayer works. I’ve known it for a long time. I’ve heard and read many times about people who have prayed very specifically for something they needed, then watched as God answered that prayer. Sometimes it seems prayers go unanswered. Other times an answer comes but in a completely different way than expected.

I don’t pretend to have great wisdom about prayer. In my head I’m a prayer warrior. I lift everything up to God, never worrying, always trusting. He is sovereign and will guide with infinite wisdom according to His plan and purpose. But in my head I also live in Bora Bora so what does that tell you? The world in my head and my reality are two completely different places.

We Never Knew

By Sandy on September 25, 2015

Josiah has been hospitalized a gazillion times in his 13 years of life. Many of those hospitalizations took place between the ages of 0 and 3, with quite a few more sprinkled in as he grew. Those were the days when I kept a bag packed in my closet at all times, just in case we would need to get him to the ER in a hurry. Those were the days when Josiah didn’t push me out of the room and slam the door in my face. Maybe he wanted to. Who knows?

Having Josiah in the hospital is never easy. If you have a child who has spent any time in one, you know exactly what I mean. It totally disrupts everything. Your life is put on hold for a while and you adopt a new normal.

When Josiah was quite young, all 5 kids were living at home with us. We were home schoolers. We spent practically every waking minute of every day together. When Josiah had to be hospitalized, I was always with him. It’s hard to be a home schooling family when the ‘teacher’ is absent a lot. We didn’t home school for long after Josiah was born.